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Starting Over

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May 16, 2010
	Jody England : Head Empowerment Ego

Have you ever had a time when you felt so overwhelmed by your life that you wondered how you got here and if it was even possible to find a way out? Maybe you’re feeling that way now.

Often times when my coaching clients first start with me they are facing some type of life circumstance that feels like a huge burden. They might be facing bankruptcy, or their weight has gotten really out of control, they are considering divorce, feel stuck in a job they hate, or are facing some type of a major health crisis.

We’ve all been there at one time or another and when it happens to you it can be difficult to see even a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.

If you’re facing a life circumstance that has you feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, I want you to know that it’s never too late to start over. 

Life gives us endless opportunities to start over and begin again. 

I’ve Totally Screwed This Up

The first place to begin to turn things around is to notice your judgment of your situation. Your judgments are the source of all of your suffering. Without the judgment, the circumstances you are facing will be just factual events … without the drama.

For example, if you are facing bankruptcy or foreclosure that is simply a fact. Based on a set of numbers on a paper certain events will likely occur. 

Where it gets hairy is when you lay your heavy opinions over the circumstances and make them mean something. You start to tell yourself that you are stupid or worthless for allowing it to get to this point, you blame your husband, or the bank, or someone else for letting you down/not supporting you/not doing their part. You live in fear and worry that you won’t be safe or protected and in your fear you turn on yourself and those you love.

That is when you start to feel bad.The circumstances have no sting to them without the meaning you give them. When you choose to let go of your story you will immediately begin to feel better.

It’s Never Too Late

No matter how bad things seem, you can always create something new starting in this moment. 

As I was golfing with my husband yesterday, it occurred to me what a metaphor for life golf is. You can play the worst hole of your life one minute (hit it out of bounds, 2 strokes into the water, then into the sand trap, then miss your 2 foot putt – hypothetically…) and then move on to the next hole and simply start over.

Each hole starts with a new chance to make par (or something better) and the only thing that will get in the way of starting over is if you bring the baggage from the past hole with you.

If you show up to that next hole berating yourself for doing such a HORRIBLE job, getting so far BEHIND, and NEVER doing it RIGHT you can certainly recreate the experience of the bad hole again and again…

OR

You can shake it off and start again. You can be kind and gentle with yourself the way you would nurture a small child learning to ride her bike or master a new skill. With endless patience and nurturance you can decide to become the objective observer and just detach from the outcome as you watch the events unfold and just notice them as they are.

Fly Into The Flames

Sometimes you may be in such a dark place that it seems impossible to recreate something good from the wreckage you now stand in.

In that case, you may need a radical departure to shake things up. One of my favorite symbols for strength and rebirth is the phoenix. The Chinese view the phoenix as a symbol of change. The myth of the phoenix is that every 500 years this beautiful and powerful bird flies into the sun and is then born again from the ashes.

Our personal fire may be an illness, a troubled relationship or a financial difficulty. We may go through the fire of betrayal by people we love, disillusionment of things we held dear, or changing circumstances that leave us feeling unsuited for the world we must now function in.

When we make the conscious choice to move forward despite the circumstance the ego  “dies,” perishing in the flames, and our higher selves can be born anew, better than ever, preserving the best of the past as we fly freely into the future.

The phoenix dying symbolizes the setting sun, while the phoenix rising symbolizes the dawning of a new and brighter day. We rise wiser, better, stronger, more focused on our life’s mission. Galvanized by the lessons we’ve learned and more equipped to fulfill our purpose by living as a truer version of ourselves.

Fly Into The flames… Are You Nuts??

No doubt, it can be scary to fly into the flames – to completely be rid of what is familiar – even if it is painful to stay in it!

However, Winston Churchill once said, “When you’re going through hell, keep going!”